I Was Ashamed of My Interest in Business and Money

For many years, I was ashamed of my interests in business, money, and leadership.

I have spent the last decade attempting to reconcile my soul's undeniable draw toward these realms and—lifetimes of mysticism. 

It's a tale as old as time.

"There's no place for these things in spirituality."

The only times I've been attacked online are when I speak on these topics, and the criticisms always have the same throughline—"This isn't spiritual of you."

It took me six years in business, plus many more in my human experience, to feel ready to offer a program centered on being a CEO because I knew, deep down, it wouldn't be integrity to do so until I had reconciled these two seemingly opposing yearnings.

Here's some of what I've learned in this tremendous and ongoing reconciliation:

Key Code 1: rejecting something creates more harm than engaging it and making mistakes along the way

Business, and everything it entails, comprises some nasty collective energies. We all know this. Hence, why so many sensitive, spiritual, big-hearted people find myriad ways to avoid relating to it as it is (not just as we wish it would be). 

Yet, the paradox lies in the fact that rejection often creates the harm we fear would ensue from confronting it.

I've repeatedly learned that rejecting something while living in a world where we are forced to interact with it will create unintentional harm.

In my denial of personal responsibility for my life, I continually attempted to give it away to someone or something else.

In my repression of leadership and authority, multiple aspects of my work fell apart. 

In my unwillingness to fully embrace the true extent of my ambition, to acknowledge my own path and navigate it with integrity, I found myself drowning in a business investment that mirrored everything I had long feared becoming. 

The antidote? 

Turning toward what's yours. Accepting mistakes aren't optional; they're required. Doing your best. Enjoying the adventure. Along the way, awakening to the knowing that this process plays a powerful part in transmuting the collective pain and harm that once prevented you from entering the room.

Key Code 2: you will be misunderstood and criticized no matter what. At the end of your life, what will you be proud you said yes to?

I hold opinions and desires that, if expressed publicly, would ruffle many feathers. I’m also aware that not every experience I have, especially with how open I am to changing my mind, needs to be a public statement or firm stance. 

So the question becomes, what's worth it?

I didn't know this until February 2021–January 2023, the two-year period during which I decided to publicly distance myself from anything business—and money-related. 

Outward-facing, I focused purely on the parts of my work that were easy and effortlessly fit in with my public persona—subtle energy, healing, mysticism and plant spirit medicine.

This 'time off' from business and money gave me the space to do a bone-deep reorganization.

It also proved essential in uncovering the realization that excluding these aspects from my work was not an option.

When it comes to these realms, I am willing to do the work to let people have their experience (regardless of preferences) while still saying yes to mine.

Key Code 3: our 'opposing' interests are often the very places we yearn to become bridges

The power of the integration of opposites has been spoken by every master, written in every tradition, and echoed by great minds and hearts throughout history. 

This concept isn't just about making compromises or watering down one side to suit the other. It’s about recognizing the value and potential within each 'opposing' interest and finding the middle way. It’s about transforming these interests into a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Why are these paradoxical yearnings written into our souls?

Because we are alive in a prophesied moment. 

A moment that demands we first become, then create, bridges. 

What if every person who knows they are here to participate in a new era of commerce denied it?

What if each human who carries a dew drop on the web of money medicine rejected it?

What if everyone here to clean up and upgrade the templates of leadership refused?

These are the questions I leave you with.